Words from the Wise

No one said that you had to be wise by carrying around a big book and a briefcase. I guess they also didn't tell you they would yell names at you if you did. They forgot to mention that your not always good at what you love and that some things you really suck at. I've falling into my writing, but I'm not necassarily getting better at it or that it was been well thought out writing. I couldn't say that everything I do I do it big or great or even well at this point. Who judges?

They missed saying to us that things don't always work out as planned. ok. I get that, but what now? Who tells me where I go from here? Or how I'm suppose to do better next time?

All these lessons are being taught and hopefully learnt, but how do you know they are being learnt if your kid is out on the streets at 1:00 am and your leaning on God to help out. well, whose going to be watching your kid. Maybe the guy next to him under age drinking and with dope in his hand.

You never know if we're doing things right or hoping that you taught us well and we fully listened. We miss out on our childhood because we were free of danger and thoughts and all we had to do was play and have fun.

I never asked to be grown up and able to crawl and then walk, then be able to eat normal food, then able to speak, read and write.

I don't know the order these go in but soon enough I'll be married, have a family and have all the responsibilities of an adult and then finally get to watch my children grow up. I couldn't say I could handle all of that, but I know I'll give it my all to do so.

I couldn't imagine the daily meals I would have to make for my family, all the decisions, paying bills, working, driving, sports, food, clothes, a house... The list goes on and on and sure enough all I'm ready for is tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day I sleep in, wake up, watch t.v., eat, get ready for the day, go to hockey, come back, eat and do it all over again. seems tiring. I'll just sleep on it for a few more days.

I couldn't agree more and say that I'm a procrastinator... See what I did there.

Everything I want to do seems to be pushed back or just to lazy to do it. I wanted to get my room painted I guess that's not happening till I get back in the third week in August!

School's starting soon and as much as I would like to say I'm excited. I'm really, really scared! I don't know what I'm going to wear on the first day, what my day looks like. Let's just put it this way I'm really nervous to be seeing all the people I know and not seeing them for such a long time. There's those old friends you haven't talked to in a while and the cool group and the girls who are just to single that they can't handle not having the attention for 2 minutes. Oh boy, I can't wait!

I'm having such a good day that all I can really say is that "Words from the Wise" you don't always have to be wise to say some words.

Favorite Quote of the day: All food is fit to eat but not all words are fit to speak - haitian

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, She's a party pooper, You can't always fill a mind with knowledge unless you teach them truth, You can't teach an old dog new tricks, His eyes were bigger then his stomach, you are the change you wish to see.

These are all sayings that mean the same things to different people and can change on how you see them. If you see and look close enough everything is perfect with me, sometimes, just sometimes. You have to look a bit deeper and see everything is perfectly fine with me as long as your perfectly fine with tea.

- Paige Carloni

Missing a Special Boy

All  you people out there are thinking aw. I'm thinking not even close! I'm missing my boy. The boy who sent me to the hospital, the boy who made a permanent scar on my face and the boy who broke my leg when I was 4. This boy is my brother Anthony. He's in California soaking in all the sun and enjoying margarita's while hes lying on the beach and staying in a closed gated community! That boy. Am I jealous? Well no kidding! He has been in the states for 21 days and today is the day where I get him  to be all mine again.

He probaly hasen't thought about me. I wouldn't have if I was him, but I know he's taking lots of pictures to show us and he's finally happy to come home after a long, hard, fun journey of his. I never noticed how much I loved him till I knew I wouldn't see him for like 10 days.

Most of siblings love when there family is away and you get a break from them, but Anthony you NEVER get a break from him. He'll probaly end up hugging me so tight he'll break my ribs or some crazy thing he does.

He's going to be so happy to see his girlfriend Chelsea. He missed there one year anniversary. lol! I laugh at that!

Welcome Home Anthony, Welcome Home!

- Paige Carloni

The Best Things in Life

People say the best things in life arn't things. I would have to fully agree because I know people and they are more important to me than anything on this Earth. Some may land me into some trouble, some may dig me out of my own grave. Friends are the ones who don't judge, make you laugh till liquids fly out of Your nose and the ones who are the most loving and supportive people. I come off as sassy, full of attitude and maybe a little shy (I heard you guys laughing at that) but, I'm much, much more then that. I love people, I love dancing and singing and being My own silly self, I have trust issues, I love sweat pants and cozy sweaters and I can be the funniest person you have met... Just give Me some time.

I have a friend now there's two guys who think It's them, sorry Reid not this time. ;P

This friend is so, so funny, He's got the most beautiful eyes and man he can make me mad. We confuse each other all the time (Doesn't help that I'm kind of an idiot) but, We both talk and we have no idea what were saying or what we're getting mad at. One minute we don't like each other and the next second we laugh it off and give that damn we're screwed in the head wink. :P Our conversation make no sense and we still want to talk every minute.

These are the best moments in life! I mean it can't get much better then this right? We could talk for hours and hours just about anything and nothing. Your the guy who doesn't care that I'm incapable of sitting still, that I can't grasp the concept of cleaning and I refuse to be ladylike. Your that someone who realizes that half of the decisions I make are usually ones I regret, and I have the right to overreact  at any given moment. Your that someone who knows how completely insane I am and wouldn't want me any other way!

We're total opposites even though we may not agree with it, but we both keep each other smiling and laughing and cracking the same old lame jokes and those cheesy pick up lines I laugh at because how could You not!

What I'm trying to say is that no matter where we are in the World there's those people and moments we will never forget and always remember. Even if there screwed up or what I would like to call f***ed up we keep living the same old way because that's what we know and learnt and will remember...

Sometimes the best things in life are all things if you look at them clearly <3

- Paige Carloni

To: My Great Friend Rylan for being the funniest guy alive.! :)

Only Tuesdays...

It's only Tuesday and it's 1:50am and I'm not sure what I rather do sleep or write and I will always pick writing. Now, now I need to say I'm confused. You ask why and I will laugh my ass off. Simply because I never write like this and I have never written this late at night or what most of you would like to call it morning. Why all of a sudden am I writing with no absoulute passion or joy or even emotion? It's because it only took me a day to figure out that what my mom wants to see me as is a girl who is "normal" many people know "normal" is so over rated but it's what people want to see and I'm not what they call "normal" and I would change my clothes, my hair and my life to have my mom love me the same way she did before I got like this or how I suddendly transformed. I thought what great friends were doing for me was so right, but the only thing that is so right is what I judge is right or wrong and from this moment on... I'm who my mom wants me to be. I don't care how everyone else sees me or judges me or whatever it may be. I'm here on this planet because of my mom so I will do everything in my will to please my mom or for her to be proud to have had me. I know, You people are thinking wtf? I changed and it took me over 4 months to become this person and now I want to run back and become the same person I was and that answer is Yes! That's exactly what I want to do! everyone keeps saying be who you want to be. The only way for me to be who I want to be is if my parents approve of me and accept me and stop nagging me about how everyone is right about what they say I'm going to be like. I never usually use the word "hate" but the only people I truly "hate" are the people around me who are suppose to love me say "you're going to be the rebel child in the family, you're going to get tattoo's and piercings and do drugs" that's not the way they put it, but that everything they truly meant.

How come I'm putting it here and not in person to my mother is because she has told us her whole life not to be afraid of her whether it was doing something bad or not telling the truth. She wanted us to trust her no matter how mad she would get but not to be afriad or her. I always was scared of her because she gets angry and fusterated with me times and times again and I continue to be her living hell even though I have tried and tried and just can't seem to suceed. So, She wanted me to say something so I did in the best way a writer can.. in her words. I'm not great at keeping promises. Almost as good as a five year old  is trying to keep a secret. I'm very good at being a snappy b**** you can fill in the blanks. Almost as good as McCallum is! and what I continue to fail at is pleasing my mom. I have told her I've tried but she still may not see it or is busy with my other siblings that I look up to and only wish I could be half of what they are.

this isn't a way of getting anyones attention or that I'm trying to have a sob story. That's definetly not it. I know the things I've done are dissapointing and full of stress and what this truly is, it's a way of me trying to say with all my heart is that Mom: I'm truly, truly sorry for all the stress I have put you through and all the hard times that I have made you deal with, but mostly I'm sorry I'm not the greatest child you could have had, but I do truly wish I was. I just want you to look me in the eyes and say your proud of me. I want to be the child who turns every bad sistuation into a good one and finally I want to be the one girl who proves everyone who I have hated my whole life. WRONG!

I love you Mom and I always will. I don't know how to put it any other way, but I'm truly dissapointed I would let you go through all of this just because i'm trying to be someone besides me.

I haven't given up and I won't until the battle is done and I won!

- Paige Carloni

Untitled

I know I haven't written in a while so here I go blabbing on about nothing really important. It's Just about a girl who was tossed around, forced to smack a smile on her face to please people and of course been judged and misunderstood. All of that seemed like such a big deal to me at some point in time, but I'm starting to understand it. My mom isn't sure of who I am anymore and it got me thinking maybe neither do I, but of course I was wrong again...

It all makes sense and has and will. I'm like some kind of toy that gets passed around and finally is shoved in the closet were I don't get seen for a couple more years and then it hit me. I know who I am and no one else does, I've always been sneaky and productive and somehow my mom wants to know everything about me or thinks I'm hiding away from the world were all I want to do is everything but nothing. Im quite comfused myself to be honest. My sister does it, my brother does it and now I do it and its a big deal. My sister sits in her room late nights to finish homework and study for the up coming tests. She did it and still does. My brother he sat down stairs for about a year, everyday he would go down and play video games for hours. He did it. Finally I sit down stairs and sing along to my favorite tunes or watching some funny shows on T.V. or decided to take my book out and write a little and now I feel like I'm being judged of being a small amount of being a bit emo. Or to me that's what I feel like.


I can't finish this with my - Paige Carloni because that's what makes a post finished and completed but I have cut, deleted and added stuff to this post which doesn't make it offical anymore. I have updated and saved drafts and It's all because I really don't like this post, but hell I'm just being my random self Paige and not sure whether I should delete it or leave it be. So, I'll flip a coin.. Da da da, I guess I'm keeping it here for a couple more years.

I'll tell you why I don't like this first off because It's lies. I'm not pushed to the back corner... Second, It doesn't matter what my sibling did or do it only matters what I do... and Thirdly, it's so stupid, kind of pathetic actually and I'm just adding more stupid stuff to go along with it so I'm just going to shut up and leave now.

truly I don't know where to go from here so what I'm trying to say is I'm so very Untitled..